RACHEL E. BROOKER

Harry Potter

“What shall we throw, George?”

“I don’t know, Fred, what do you think we should throw?”

“How about nothing?” said Ginny, “We can just de-gnome the garden like always.”

“That’s boring!” chorused Fred and George, their eyes falling on a basket of eggs…

“I bought a new one, ‘arry!” Hagrid said, with a tinge of pride, “Tell ya what, I’ll make ya a cuppa…” He grunted, switching on the kettle.

Harry frowned, a horrible feeling imploding. “What did you buy?”

“Behind ya!”

Harry looked.

It was a dragons egg…..

Lemony Snicket

“Olaf wants us to make breakfast,” said Klaus, taking off his glasses, “…. and then we have to clean the house, before his show tonight….”

Violet frowned. “We’ll be fine,” she said, “We’re together, aren’t we?”

In response, Sunny bit through a pencil.

Life On Mars

“Get me a bastard egg butty!” roared the Guv. “Now!”

Sam folded his arms. “Have you heard of ‘please,’ Guv?” he said, “It’s a very popular word….”

“I’ll tell you what else’ll be popular if I don’t see my soddin sandwich, sunshine, you..… off this case!”

“You ate three egg baguettes, Guv.”

The Guv wiped his mouth with a tattered tissue. “You say that like it’s a bad thing!”

Sam laughed.

“And it’s a butty,” said The Guv, arching an eyebrow, “We’re not a couple of posh birds!!!!”

Merlin

“What’s that hideous smell?!” asked Arthur. “Well?”

Merlin gave no reply, fighting back internal laughter.

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Tell me, that’s an order!”

“Okay,” said Merlin, “Its… the eggs.”

“The eggs?”

“You know, the royal chickens…”

“I’ve never noticed before,” said Merlin, “….. but your head is shaped like an egg.”

Arthur blinked at him. “Excuse me?”

“Well, I mean, picturing you without hair, there’s definitely a resemblance….”

“Hmm,” said Arthur, “I still see you as a woodlouse.”

Riverdale

“I am going to crush him, Miha,” growled Hiram, “….. I am going to turn him into egg shells….”

Veronica snatched her father’s arm. “Daddy, don’t, please, I’ll talk to him!”

Hiram sneered, brushing down his jacket, “He’s made his bed….”

Peter Pan

The Lost Boys dined on a gigantic spread beyond even their wildest imaginations; eggs, cures of meat, glistening vegetables, bread, and when they had made their way through all of this, an orange and berry flavoured jelly….

“What a feast!” crowed Peter Pan

Robin Hood

“The old jail smells like rotten eggs,” said Guy of Gisborne, “- It was my idea; I thought the scent might make the prisoners talk; confess to their crimes with Hood….”

The Sheriff of Nottingham nodded, eyes burning. “Yes, oh yes, good work, Gisbon….”

“Much had eggs for breakfast,” Robin said, taking a seat beside Marian, “I’m afraid we just have berries this morning….”

Marian giggled. “As long as I’m with you.”

“There’s no fear on that front,” said Robin, parting her fringe. “I’m not going anywhere….”

Will Worthington and The Black Rainbow

(not in book, improvised due to week’s theme)

“Hey, Will,” said Amanda, glancing up from her cereal, “What’s the one food that you hate?”

Will frowned. “There’s not just one,” he admitted, scraping his chair, “- but eggs have to be way up there….”

Amanda cheered. “Oh hell yeah!”

“NOT ENOUGH PINEAPPLES!” Aldaberto screamed, rushing towards the table. Will and Amanda exhanged a humoured glance.

Pineapples.

Always pineapples.

“I need at least another three pineapple pies, one pineapple soufflé, and lose the egg tart – not important!”

Will scowled at the rich tapestries. “You know what I’d love to do to this place?” he said. “Right now?”

Amanda shuffled her feet. “Go on?”

“I’d love to break a thousand eggs over his favourite tapestry and then break a thousand more over his golden pianos.”

Sherlock

“Mrs. Hudson, where are the eggs?” Mrs. Hudson tottered over, crossing her arms. “Sorry, dear?” she said, “The what?”

Sherlock groaned. “Eggs,” he said, “I need them for my new experiment.”

“Don’t you mean ‘eggsperiment?’ chuckled John.

“……Ingenious.”